Loyal Friends - Series on Friendship

 A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. 

Proverbs 17:17 NLT

December 1963

Every autumn, every year, my heart remembers a time of personal and spiritual growth. After a malignant brain tumor surgery, my grandmother retains her abilities to comprehend situations but struggled verbally to express herself. Recalling the summer of 1974 finds me thankful for these last months of sharing, both through tears and gestures, but always laughter was louder. Reflections of my paternal grandmother's last stage of living always bring to mind an unusual demonstration of friendship. Her friend remains faceless to me. She's just a name that I heard from time to time over the years. And, just as mysteriously, for nearly 5 months, a red rose arrived each day.

A Remnant of Love

Once long, long ago, who knows just when,

            Greetings were exchanged.

Neighbors for a while, some say, these two

            Strangers became friends.

Conversations of yester-year gone

            And unrecorded,

How I wish I could go back in time

            To find the secret

Of such enduring friendship, a gift

            Of the heart for life . . . 

Sunny skies and death, together, cast down

            Shadows on my soul.

Precious as gold, time seemed all too short;

            She would soon be gone.

Silent tears of helplessness inside;

            Laughter was louder.

Old stories retold became treasures,

            Priceless memories.

Although miles and miles apart, friendship 

            Did not notice, and

Always, a token of remembrance

            Was placed by her side.

Gentle reminder, gesture of love,

            Each day one red rose.

Only once did she speak to me of 

            Death, my constant thought.

Relentless, calloused foe of mortal

            Life claimed her spirit . . .

Her body lay empty beneath a 

            Blanket of roses.

I stood beside her grave in sorrow

            For my loss; I wept.

I remember taking one red rose,

            A final farewell.

For me it was a symbol of her

            Friend’s tender heart,

Of such enduring friendship, a gift,

            A remnant of love.

Although more than a decade has passed,

             I still think of her.

Those priceless memories come to mind

            As if time stood still.

Each year when autumn breezes whisper,

            Tears seek revival.

Beneath the sadness I remember

            Laughter was louder.

And my heart is blessed as I recall

            Her final months, when

Always, a token of remembrance

            Was placed by her side.

Gentle reminder, gesture of love, 

            Each day one red rose.

How I wish I could go back in time

            To find the secret

Of their enduring friendship, a gift 

Of the heart for life.

(written 1987, Donna Oswalt)

I wrote this poem more than a decade after her death, words eluding my emotions until then. And still, when I think of such friendship, the best definition I can think of is "each day one red rose." What an amazing heart-gift! What a demonstration of love and loyalty! The Life Application Study Bible says, "The greatest evidence of genuine friendship is loyalty." Over nearly four decades later, I have learned this kind of friendship is extremely rare.

God never asks us to do something without having demonstrated it Himself. Jesus tells us to love one another and demonstrates this rare kind of love with His life, death and resurrection. By definition loyalty manifests itself by devotion, honesty, sincerity and support.God models His loyalty to us though His constancy, incorruptibility, steadfastness, and truth. Genuine relationships understand the value of sharing life events; to remember the beginnings, to treasure the laughter, to honor the celebrations, to bear the disappointments, to endure the ordinary, and to love through the endings. God promises to love forever! 

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:7 NLT) God's love is much more than a token of remembrance or a gesture of love. Christ's unmatched sacrifice becomes God's matchless grace. This holy gift of enduring friendship redefines loyalty's unfailing love as Perfect Love. I have learned this friendship is the rarest of all! ~ dho

Series on Friendship previously posted on BreathingRoomForMySoul.com/copyright DonnaOwalt

Privileged Intimacy - Series on Friendship

 ". . . I have called you friends. . ." John 15:15

Scholars find numerous references to the philosophy of friendship when they study the great thinkers of centuries long ago like Aristotle, Socrates, and Plato. Frequently the Greco-Roman writers discuss the topic of friendship suggesting it takes a variety of forms, as alliances or patrons or clients. Greeks traditionally hold a concept that friendship is mutual companionship, emphasizing loyalty and equality. The Greeks maintain that a true friendship is an intimate relationship where there is mutual sharing of possessions and confidences. This is the kind of friendship that Jesus reveals in John chapter 15, when He denotes the differences between a servant and a friend. 

When John retells these last conversations of Jesus, he uses the Greek word philios for friends. This means a friend dearly loved, a personal, intimate bond, a trusted, confidential relationship. In one of His last conversations, Jesus is telling the Disciples that they are His dearly loved and trusted friends. Jesus describes His deep love for them, "I've loved you the way my Father has loved Me." (vs.10) During these last hours together, Jesus once again reveals Himself as Lord and Master, but instead of servants, He calls them friends. Friendship with Jesus exceeds loyalty; He defines holy friendship as a promise of privileged intimacy. - dho 

Series on Friendship previously posted on BreathingRoomForMySoul.com in 2013 @copyrightDonnaOwalt

Jesus, Friend of Mine - Series on Friendship

"... Now, you are My friends, since I have told you everything the Father told Me." John 15:15b NLT

There are a multitude of ways to tell about God's offering of friendship to us, of how we are to be friends to others in His name. This story is personal, a story of how God orchestrates all things, even the smallest detail, revealing what is necessary as He continually gathers each of us into His Love. A time of unfolding.

In November, 1989, my parents come to visit us in Ohio; my father never leaves. During this time, he suffers a seizure that reveals a more grave health issue. My father is diagnosed with lung cancer that has spread to the brain and other areas throughout his body. His prognosis gives him six months to live. Because of the medical care we could provide and the assistance that he would need, he agrees to stay in Ohio. At first, he seems fine. A series of palliative radiation treatments to his brain did cause some hair loss, but even at Christmas he remains strong. A time to breathe.

One day he tells me about a song that he wants to have at his funeral. I make a mental note and assure him I will do this. As expected, his health declines over the next few months. Weakness and some confusion lead to decreased activity and responsiveness. On May 10, 1990, we celebrate his 70th birthday, which I believe is more for us than him. May 20, 1990, daddy dies. At his service, the song I prearranged with the funeral home plays. The next couple of months pass quietly, with remembrances and reflections of time together. Despite the difficulties, this season has been full of laughter and honesty, joy and truth, tears and hugs. A time to cherish.

In August of that year, I take my daughter to Mississippi for a few weeks to visit family and friends. For some reason I need to go back to my heart's home. On Sunday morning I rest in my home church, this church whose familiar walls witnessed so many spiritual moments for me. We stand to sing the benediction, softly and tenderly Jesus is calling, calling for you and for me. Tears rush forward, my heart is beating so fast. Come home, come home; you who are weary come home. Thoughts are pounding inside my head. Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, Calling, O sinner, come home! THIS is the song my daddy had asked me to have played at his funeral. How could I have made such a mistake! I realize that the song played at his funeral was the wrong song! A time of regret.

"What a Friend We Have in Jesus" has never been a favorite of mine and is not the song my father requested. I confess my disappointment in forgetting the one thing he had asked. For a number of years, every time I would hear what A Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins a griefs to bear I immediately feel remorse. Ironically, its humdrum tune gradually captures my attention; its words emphasize our privilege to carry everything to God in prayer. With each line ending in prayer or some common word that rhymes with prayer, its simplicity begins to teach me about what peace we often forfeit and what needless pain we bear when we neglect prayer. Weaving trials and temptations with refuge and solace stands the Weaver, Precious Savior. Throughout the hymn a theme evolves. Jesus knows our every weakness; in His arms He'll take and shield you if we will simply take it to the Lord in prayer. The greatest promise lies within the rhetorical asking can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share? Jesus is our most faithful Friend. A time of growing.

In the fall of 2005, fifteen years after my father’s death, I am sitting at a women's conference at Trinity on the Hill UMC in Augusta, GA, when I hear what a Friend we have in Jesus. As the song continues, the presence of the Holy Spirit seems to cover me and overwhelms my heart. In this moment my soul hears holy whispers this song was not a mistake; this song was for you! All those years ago, God had chosen this simple song ~ for me. Knowing all my needs, He kept reminding me to bring all my troubles, all my disappointments, all my weaknesses to Him. Jesus kept proclaiming His friendship, weaving simple words and rhyme into teachings about prayer and promises. Jesus is a Friend of mine! A time of healing.

Blessed Savior, Thy mercies how tender, how firm til the end; our Maker, Defender, Redeemer, and Friend. Faithful Friend, hear my prayers of praise and petitions of pain. What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer. ~ dho

Series on Friendship previously posted on BreathingRoomForMySoul.com in 2013 @copyrightDonnaOwalt

Fellowship Offering - Series on Friendship

I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from My Father I have made known to you. John 15:15b

The Hebrew word selem is used in the Old Testament to denote a fellowship offering or a peace offering, a required sacrifice of God's chosen people. Mounce's Complete Expository Dictionary defines the nature of this offering: the person or community offering this sacrifice to God was in a positive, covenant-keeping relationship with God and enjoyed the fullness of His peace. This voluntary sacrifice anticipates the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ whose voluntary sacrifice creates reconciliation for the sinner and invites the sinner into fellowship with God.

With genuine affection, Jesus reveals the Father to His disciples, imparts intimate wisdom as He prepares them to share the Good News with the world. Only hours later, after their shock of the unexpected arrest and crucifixion of Jesus, will these words begin to resonate within them. Only years later, will each disciple, one by one, come to understand the depth of fellowship Jesus gives. Now, centuries later, each of us, each Believer enters into this circle of friendship. The ongoing outcome of being friends with God exceeds all circumstances, endures all suffering, and enlarges all hope. Are you looking for this kind of friendship? Just listen - because Jesus is calling to you! ~dho

Series on Friendship previously posted on BreathingRoomForMySoul.com in 2013 @copyrightDonnaOwalt

Joy-full Friendship - Series on Friendship

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."  Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV

Discontentment leads to resentment, resentment to rage, rage to shouting, shouting to abuse; this is the chain of events that acts of malice ignite. These intentional malignant actions, each one fueling the next, cause pain and distress. Negative emotions like resentment and animosity are toxic and destroy relationships. Warren Wiersbe says, "Corruption from the lips only means corruption in the heart." 

Augustine in his Confessions lists the joys of friendship: “to make conversation, to share a joke, to perform mutual acts of kindness, to read together well-written books, to share in trifling and in serious matters, to disagree though without animosity.. and in the very rarity of disagreement to find the salt of normal harmony, to teach each other something or to learn from one another, to long with impatience for those absent, to welcome them with gladness on their arrival.” 

The way we interact with others reveals not only our heart's attitude, but it gives insight into our relationship with God. The joys of friendship with God include holy conversations and divine instruction, unconditional love and unrestrained fellowship, peace and hope, all wrapped up together in Amazing Grace. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of our life. (The Message Ephesians 4:30) Our expressions of kindness and tenderness and forgiveness that we offer one another measures our friendship with God. ~ dho

Series on Friendship previously posted on BreathingRoomForMySoul.com in 2013 @copyrightDonnaOwalt

Friend to Friend - Series on Friendship

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. Proverbs 27:17 NLT

(unknown photographer)

The sharing of the Holy Spirit lays at the root of Christian friendship. Mutuality involving encouragement, good counsel, and accountability remain essential components, but a relationship that has Christ as its core becomes a priceless interrelationship. Ecclesiastes 4:12  describes the strength of more than one: A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better than one, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. A common proverbial expression in ancient literature, this "threefold cord" indicates value in companionship and preparedness. Experiencing unity and grace through Christian relationships helps to deepen our understanding of God's love.

While every relationship differs, certain characteristics define Christian friendship. God must be first. This friendship must share a common love for God which brings spiritual joy, even in times of distress and chaos. Communication involves giving and taking both encouragement and counsel. Within the relationship, security comes from loyalty, from honoring confidences without fear of betrayal. Christian friendship can be an enduring kinship ~ but only if Christ makes three! 

Consider this Yiddish Proverb: There are 3 types of friends; those like food without which you can't live, those like medicine which you need occasionally, and those like illness which you never want. Then ask yourself: What kind of friend am I? ~ dho

Christian friendship can be an enduring kinship ~ but only if Christ makes three! - Donna Oswalt

Series on Friendship previously posted on BreathingRoomForMySoul.com @copyrightDonnaOwalt